BABA

 Papa

I miss you so much today 

I'm so tired of everything 

I'm tired of always being the sane eldest understanding daughter 

I really need you here right by my side 

I tried hurting myself today but I couldn't I couldn't bear the thought of you being disappointed in me

It hurts a lot papa amd I wish there was a way to tell you all this and I'm so sorry for not visiting you it's just that I don't want to see you like that all those thoughts that I'm scared to even think about keeps coming the thought of you being not there and just the remains it hurts a lot I don't even want to think about that it's scary papa

You always said meri beti kisi cheez se nhi darti but it was all lie papa it was a mask I had to wear I just want to tell you how much I miss you calling me leenaya and knowing I will never be able to hear that again hurts to core papa

I Want to die but I'm scared papa scared of not being able to meet you because I'm a sinner I've stopped praying and everything feels so Hollow and empty 

How am I supposed to live like this papa

How could you leave me here all alone

Everyone hates me here

I want to be loved papa 

I want to feel safe and protected

I want to have my papa right by my side 

You won't be here now and I hate that 

What am I supposed to do papa 

I'm lost 

I'm dying papa 

And there's no one to save me

You were the only one

And now you're gone

And I'm drowning again 

And I don't want to try to escape 

I want to drown

I want to die papa 

I want to leave all this behind 

I need you

I really do papa

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

BABA

 I'm sick since yesterday baba and no one bothered to get me medicine and I just hate everything rn  I hate living baba I wish I could just die It's so hard to live without you because no one bothers to check on me and I'm supposed to be fine all the time and I hate crying because my head hurts a lot I want everything to be over before I end up doing something bad
Read more

Just me ranting

 Idk what's wrong with me at this point  I was perfectly fine just in one of those sleep slumbers then all of sudden everything starred to annoy me and I was so annoyed I went to my room to sleep and just as I closed my eyes I was taken back to that 2 Dec night again and then boom  I have this continuous tension of my future and deep down some part of me believes I won't get to live the life I always dreamt of and I'll end up living the same life as my mother and it's my biggest fear which I don't even want to say out aloud And I hate how my brother is turning into this version of men I hate he was just a boy and whenever I see glimpses of that little boy it hurts a lot knowing how he'll never be same again  I'm so frustrated both mentally and physically I'm strained and I don't how to make it better  I hate living like this I hate crying everytime something goes slightly wrong  I hate to have this continuous worry about money and my future I was jus...
Read more

Just my rants

 Fuck fuck fuck I'm so tired of all this shit Like I legit spent 2 fucking hrs in the kitchen to make fucking lasagna for this fucking family and I only had one fucking condition to leave me tf alone when I'm in kitchen but dearest mother decided to show up at my most nerve wrecking moment aka the assembling and I told her to come back after just 5 fucking minutes but no she started all the fucking me ne saaf krna ha sara khalara blah blah blah like I'm literally assembling the whole thing how I'm supposed to clean up at the same time and it's not that I refused to clean up and she always does this so I said a thing or two and then she refused to eat the lasagna that I made and is now crying while doing jharu in sehn Like I'm so fucking tired of this whole I'm the only victim here thing like hello I'm the one who also lost her father and I'm not that old enough to beat everyone's tantrums all the fucking time like I always had a love hate relatio...
Read more