BABA

 So my dad died a few days ago and I don't know what am i supposed to do. It all just feels so weird to not have him around anymore and I'm just not used to all this.

My dad was the only person I ever loved and all my life I just prayed for his life but now that he's gone I'm so clueless about everything.

I never even thought that he will be gone just a few minutes later after I said goodbye. It all just happened so quick he didn't have the chance to say anything and I just can't let go of the memory of his face in my hands when he took his last breath. He wasn't ill or anything like that so his death is so sudden to everyone. I was so attached to my dad and the slightest thought of not to be able to see him is killing me. I always thought if something ever happens to him I'll die I never imagined a life without him and now that he's gone I don't know what am I supposed to do

How am I supposed to live through all this without him

I just miss him so much but I have to be strong or act strong for my family

Even at the funeral everyone was praising me and saying how I'm so strong to handle all this and how I'm supposed to be okay because I have to look after my mother and my siblings but nobody bothered to ask how am I holding up? Am I okay?

Sometimes I wish I wasn't always the responsible, strong eldest daughter instead I wished I was a scaredy little girl who just wants her dad and now that he's gone she doesn't know what to do.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

BABA

 I'm sick since yesterday baba and no one bothered to get me medicine and I just hate everything rn  I hate living baba I wish I could just die It's so hard to live without you because no one bothers to check on me and I'm supposed to be fine all the time and I hate crying because my head hurts a lot I want everything to be over before I end up doing something bad
Read more

Just me ranting

 Idk what's wrong with me at this point  I was perfectly fine just in one of those sleep slumbers then all of sudden everything starred to annoy me and I was so annoyed I went to my room to sleep and just as I closed my eyes I was taken back to that 2 Dec night again and then boom  I have this continuous tension of my future and deep down some part of me believes I won't get to live the life I always dreamt of and I'll end up living the same life as my mother and it's my biggest fear which I don't even want to say out aloud And I hate how my brother is turning into this version of men I hate he was just a boy and whenever I see glimpses of that little boy it hurts a lot knowing how he'll never be same again  I'm so frustrated both mentally and physically I'm strained and I don't how to make it better  I hate living like this I hate crying everytime something goes slightly wrong  I hate to have this continuous worry about money and my future I was jus...
Read more

Just my rants

 Fuck fuck fuck I'm so tired of all this shit Like I legit spent 2 fucking hrs in the kitchen to make fucking lasagna for this fucking family and I only had one fucking condition to leave me tf alone when I'm in kitchen but dearest mother decided to show up at my most nerve wrecking moment aka the assembling and I told her to come back after just 5 fucking minutes but no she started all the fucking me ne saaf krna ha sara khalara blah blah blah like I'm literally assembling the whole thing how I'm supposed to clean up at the same time and it's not that I refused to clean up and she always does this so I said a thing or two and then she refused to eat the lasagna that I made and is now crying while doing jharu in sehn Like I'm so fucking tired of this whole I'm the only victim here thing like hello I'm the one who also lost her father and I'm not that old enough to beat everyone's tantrums all the fucking time like I always had a love hate relatio...
Read more