.

 I feel so embarrassed infront of my friend 

I was supposed to pick her up like always but they had to made me realise it again that you're gone baba and I'm left all alone and I hate this feeling

I hate your sons 

And I'm angry

And mad

And frustrated

I don't even want to go at this point 

It's so wrong

Everything is wrong

I miss you

He should have died in your place 

I feel so pathetic that I've to feel this degradation and humiliation the whole day was a embarrassing hell for me first i had to feel shitty by refusing to pick her up and then to add more embarrassment and humiliation I had to ask her to drop me because the son of bitch that is my brother is a piece of shit who deserves to die in a ditch

I felt like crying on the way back home and had to control the fucking tears, cried in the shower and on the top of that the thing that's pissing me the most is no one on my family cares

Everyday I breath is an emotional turmoil for me and I hate this continuous feeling I want to get rid of it

And for God's sake I'm determined to learn driving this summer vacation it's enough I can't allow myself to feel this wag for the rest of my life