Just my rants

 Fuck fuck fuck

I'm so tired of all this shit

Like I legit spent 2 fucking hrs in the kitchen to make fucking lasagna for this fucking family and I only had one fucking condition to leave me tf alone when I'm in kitchen but dearest mother decided to show up at my most nerve wrecking moment aka the assembling and I told her to come back after just 5 fucking minutes but no she started all the fucking me ne saaf krna ha sara khalara blah blah blah like I'm literally assembling the whole thing how I'm supposed to clean up at the same time and it's not that I refused to clean up and she always does this so I said a thing or two and then she refused to eat the lasagna that I made and is now crying while doing jharu in sehn

Like I'm so fucking tired of this whole I'm the only victim here thing like hello I'm the one who also lost her father and I'm not that old enough to beat everyone's tantrums all the fucking time like I always had a love hate relationship with her but after my father's death I'm trying to be a bit more understanding but I'm so tired of all this shit now like whenever I end up misbehaving due to frustration I feel guilty and sorry for her but she has to understand too that I'm suffering here too and the fact I'm continuing living my normal life isn't because I don't miss him but because I'm trying to forget the grief that I'm carrying but she's not understanding and I'm so fucking tired of always being the bad guy

And I know I've stopped praying for months and instead of trying to understand the fucking reason why I feel so low and losing my faith throwing tantrums at me doesn't help it makes it worse I'm so done with all this shit