Right before waking

August 4th, 2025
Right before waking

I don’t know if I dreamed this before… or if my dream told me I did. But it felt familiar—like I’d already lived it once, or maybe several times.

I was at the hospital, even though I was perfectly fine. Nothing hurt, nothing felt wrong—until it suddenly did. I started shivering out of nowhere. The doctors noticed, and just like that, I was being booked for a test. Not an ordinary test. Something... strange. Clinical, but cold. Almost like I was being sorted.

There were colors—red, blue, green. I don’t remember which one I got, but I know it wasn’t blue. Blue feels peaceful. Safe. Maybe blue meant “you’re okay.” And I wasn’t okay.

They asked me to cut my nails before the test. Last time, I think I did. This time, I didn’t want to. I told them I didn’t have a nail cutter, even though I did. I just didn’t want to comply. I don’t even know why. Maybe because something in me needed to rebel, to stay untouched in a place that felt too invasive.

Then they took me in. Sensors were put on my head. I was hypnotized—or something close. They started asking questions. I couldn’t think clearly, everything was hazy, like being underwater.

And then they asked about my father.

I don’t know what the question was, but suddenly, I wasn’t calm anymore. I started screaming. Loud. Desperate. Repeating "no" over and over like something inside me finally snapped and clawed its way out.

I woke up from the hypnosis in the dream, shaking, knowing I had messed up the test. The staff told me to collect my report in an hour. But I didn’t.

When I got back to my room, I found out someone had stolen my money. The guy on the green bed. I knew it was him. I chased him down with another guy—I don’t remember who—and it turned into this intense, movie-style pursuit. There was running, jumping, climbing. I finally caught up to him.

But he wasn’t a man. He was a cockroach. A literal cockroach.

I killed him.

Went back to the lodge, found my money near his bed. But I never went back to collect my test results.

I woke up after that. For real this time. But it stuck with me.

The hospital. The test. The scream. The chase. The lie about the nail cutter. All of it felt like my brain was trying to drag something out of me that I didn’t even realize I’d buried. Like it needed me to feel something I’ve spent too long trying not to.

I don’t know what it means. I don’t know if it was just a dream or if it was a mirror, showing me a part of myself I didn’t want to look at.

But it made me feel like something inside me is still running. Still afraid.
And still waiting for me to catch up.

— Aleena